Your Box
Your Box is not who you are. People are not their boxes. But we all have a box.
Your box is an accumulation of identifications you picked up along the way as part of yourself.
This part is designated for survival as a social and human being. It is different than your being that can make authentic, heart-centered, feeling-based, beyond-reason decisions.
Your box is like a robotic mechanism that keeps things as you know them. It’s how you think about the world that makes sense, as your beliefs about the world, your opinions on things, but also the way your (your box) is used to do things.
For example: You Always (notice the word "always" which hints at the box) do things this way.
You always put a lot of salt on your food, you always open the wine this way. Techno is what you like. Liking cars is who you are.
𝐓𝐡𝐞 Box purpose
To create structure and repetitiveness that is expected so your physiological structure can drive through the chaos of the world, you slowly build the box.
All your friends were playing capture the flag outside, and then someone from your team left you alone. You had an emotion of fear, and sadness, and anger, and you decided that you will "take care of yourself" from now on. You play as a lone wolf.
That old decision was forgotten, but that strategy became ingrained in who you are. (Part of your box) one of the edges. Today when you go abroad and stay at a hostel you keep your distance. You stay friendly and nice, but you never feel like part of the group. The old survival strategy that dictates your life ever since then, is still there. Your unknown limit, your glass ceiling.
With each survival necessity your box has different survival strategies. More about these different survival strategies here.
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 Box Freaking out.
For most of us, when we do or need to do something that is too far outside our box, we react in a certain way. For some of us, walking barefoot in an airport is just "too much" "too crazy" "I will never do it" (Notice the word never which hints at the box too.)
For some of us it is to drive too fast, or too slow.
To wear something too sleazy, or slutty, or on the other hand, to be too proud.
I am saying "too" because the box can handle a bit of wandering to its edges. Going to a nature party with Goa trance and watching everyone might be something your box can handle, but going to the dance floor and jumping for 8 hours straight might be too far off.
After 1 or 2 parties, your box slowly stretches, and what seemed out of the question a month ago is now a new territory to explore. You are in the air having fun with the light-up people.
It is a wise playful move, if you're in the business of transformation, to notice when something is on the edge of your box and do it. It keeps you away from the numb areas of the box that put you to sleep. For example, doing just your routines for a whole year. It makes you feel alive. Which is more fun.
If you work with your clients, you might notice that offering to do things that are too far away will create resistance and trigger the box. Red alerts in the air, beeping horns, and the security team cavalry of opinions and beliefs "this is just who I am" (notice the word just) will come to the rescue.
When we are trying something too far for the box in the name of transformation it usually doesn't work and actually comes from the irresponsible part of us, and not in the purpose of real transformation.
For some people, this looks like taking on the opposite strategy.
"I tried to succeed as a rock N roll star, it didn't work, being a good lawyer is the right thing to do"
"I tried to be a bad girl for years, now in my 30s I will be proud and tell people that wear tank tops that they're half naked."
"Believe me brother I've been in your place and now I found Jesus"
Your
box
Is just
an ego state
It might scar your box to think about its existence.
For most people, the box is like a glass ceiling on top of an ant farm.
They will never see it, nor think about it, nor distinguish between that and who they are.
This shouldn't make you see people as their boxes.
It should help you distinguish and connect more with people's being than their boxes. This is an experimental art, which can yield very tasty fruits in the realms of connection.
You might have been used to having conversations from your box all your life.
I am right and this is wrong. "What's your opinion about that?" What do you think about this / "
No I really need to know your thoughts about this.
What were you like as a child? Do you like Diet Coke or regular?
Do you prefer Hershey's or gummy bears?
What is your favorite place?
and so on...
The box is an ego state, which is a system of identifications. It circles around everything you collected in order to survive. It's different from other ego states that are more alive, and you can feel them, whereas your box is really like a dead structure that has already been made and you carry it around with you.
More about Ego states here.
Working with you box to grow
Your box can be an obstacle to your growth or a stepping stone to sit on.
When your warry from a demanding adventure you box knows exactly what you need to retire to your comfort zone and rest.
When you look at your box enough time, it becomes expected and obvious. you can than see other people boxes and learn how to work with their boxes in the service of your bright principles. Especially to navigate with your client boxes.
01
Notice you box
Your box has many corners, edges, buttons etc. Take a look at the picture on top and see how much is included in it.
Just be with these different facets of your box, and see how they determine your world, your life, and your survival.
You can find a fun game, for example, catch each other with a teammate every time you say "Always," "I never," "I am used to," "I like," "I dislike," "for me," "I," and ask who is speaking?
Or which "I" is speaking.
Then you can practice catching yourself when your box is speaking.
Noticing it without judgment, without beating yourself up, as an explorer, can be a highly fun and growth-oriented experiment.
02
Shrink your box
Now that you have a sense of your box, when it is speaking, and how it sounds,
you can start practicing shrinking your box and speaking not from it.
From your being, from your heart.
You can experiment by yourself, or grab a trainer to take you through this experiment for the first time.
When your box is shrunk, everything outside of it becomes possible. Different dimensions of perceptions, possibilities, and adventures your box couldn't let you approach before.
03
Talk from you box
Now that you're an expert talking without your box, practice going back again and talking from it.
This might serve you in creating "Culture to Culture" conversations.
Maybe to establish connection with someone, not speaking from your box would freak their box too much. If your box doesn't mind and you're here for connection, that skill might serve you.
As long as you don't believe your box speaking. And remember:
You are NOT your box.
Where does the Box work lead you?
An adulthood initiation path includes Box work. To help you detach from the old belief systems the box possesses and move through liquid state where you can reborn as the phoenix, bird of sand,
and rise from the ashes renewed.
Transformation is a path that takes many distinctions about boxes. It doesn’t exclude boxes but navigates with them, takes care of their expansion, and helps them go liquid and transform.
If your box limited you in taking action in a certain direction that was in your heart—for example, talking to the next person you need to talk to while your box freaked out about it,
or going to a country with sanitation levels that challenge your box, or working with a team member that hooks your buttons.
An expanded and flexible box keeps you more agile and able. Also, a more fun human being to be around. I guess your box probably likes people with more fluid boxes, doesn’t it?
Do you sometimes take drugs or find friends that will force some box relaxing?
Expanding your box with experiments becomes almost like hygiene practice. There is no gold, and no one can reward you for it.
But your team will definitely appreciate you.
Also, you can probably get to know more of your Shadow Guide, whose job is to guard your box.
More on that here.
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